Sunday, 15 Apr 2007 (1:45 am)
What price the learning? At what cost is each “love” lost?
How much more pleasurable when such loving intimacy, and physical togetherness, is reciprocated spontaneously, without effort, resentment nor hesitation?
How joyous it is to love (as in 2-love) and be loved in a tactile, physical and sharing way, with another — yet sad when the time has passed?
Yes, what fortune it is to have such opportune, experience and another to share with, as we journey through the manifest and the mundane — as we play-in and engage within this realm called life.
A compelling and oft-time compulsive drive is this need, this desire, this need to love — to be with another, to engage, entwine, commit and prevail.
An-Other is all we need we are led to believe. Just one “other” to be our lover, our mate, our intimate friend, our wife, our husband, our partner-in-time. This is what living means more than most, it seems, if it is meant to be).
Whilst yet, for some, such opportunity comes-less-often, if at all, and “love-in-lives” — as in, loving lives — are few and far between. And for some of us, ’tis but an elusive ideal, or a short-lived fling, an opportunity, fleeting mayhap.
We wine and dine, we pine sometimes, we perform the daily grind of “living”, whilst seeking out such “other” wherever they may be. Like hunters and gatherers, from cultures of old.
Lust and love, need and greed, altruism and narcissism clash, confuse, challenge and stifle; success for some, regret for others.
The call to love, to be “in-love” compelling, compulsive, obtuse, desire.
There is a flip-side to this, for sake of balanced understanding. Too many “lover-lovers”, too many losses of the “love-in-kind” can send one into decline. Too many fractured disappointments, laying scattered amongst the wake and spray of our own passing-by, can cause more angst than gain. Broken dreams and angry thoughts (for awhile) lay strewn-aside the journey of our travailing.
All too often “love-in-lives” turns to “loving-lies”.
Each departure, each ending, each parting-of-our-ways, has its toll, its price, its cost. Each closure has left its scarring within the meme -brain of one’s existence. Each memory, contains the essence of each “lovers” exchange — the sex (Spiritual Energy eXchange) the means of binding—impregnating—deep within the fabric of one’s flesh. No doubt, tantric or tantrum, in effect, somewhat.
And one may know full-well that once the tide of moodiness and pain has subsided, none of those individuals, those persons, the ones whom have loved in their calamity and cacophony of epidemic experience, have given long-term, unrecoverable injury — nor received any in-turn, though one can but hope.
So, on this day, these recent hours, an-Other of my lovers is set free from the bonds of cloying love.
Inevitably, the fear of loneliness gives way to discerning insight and spiritual intelligence.
It’s time to call “it” quits. To set one free from the stifling and debilitating vortex. To cut the knot of “love-in-pretence” (as opposed to “love-in-presence”). To stop the rot of enmeshment and contaminated energy — at least at the level of “spiritual energy exchange”, and that of the level of engagement of physically entwined “in-to-me-see” (intimacy).
It is the time, the day, the requirement to get beyond and pass neediness, greediness, neglect and the saturation of the mundane senses per se — to protect “The Love” that brought us together — to protect and nurture It through responsible maturation, spiritual stewardship, understanding and insight. Well, at least that is how I partially describe the reasons for calling this affair of the flesh to a halt.
No fault, no blame. It-Is-As-Is.
And my friend, my lover, so needed to be set free. My behaviours and psychologically warped-drives (and unpredictability), have been far too domineering and dominating, overwhelming I’m told, at least for their feelings, and I need to admit, that I have been somewhat unfair in how I’ve tried to force the decision to end upon them, when it is I within my nous (knowing-essence) that has known/felt for sometime, that I should take the lead, and call our “relationship” as lovers to an end.
Mind you though, not the closure of a “love-in-friendship”. (Do not misunderstand what I share and say.) The closure and the de-intensifying of stifling, cloying intimacy, of co-dependence, that was no longer serving nor meeting our “inner” purpose, is what I mean.
True love in my mind and heart, can never be “switched-on or off” at the whim of pettiness and changing circumstance.
Natural love Is-divine, and outlasts and sustains beyond physical/mental, personal desire and need. True love can only exist in-eternally, and consistently maintains the Light as “The Oneness of our souls”.
Anything less is but an appetising aberration — a form or expression of love — yet not Love-It-Self.
A “love-in-friendship” may continue to be, and grows and glows within each that is authentically engaged within the Heart of True Love — the Beloved-It-Self — no matter our loneliness and short-sightedness, our humanness.
My departing lover/s in the main, remain “in-true Love” with the likes of The one that was, when that is how we started — as is the case methinks, with most “soul-mates”, who are unconditional in their genuine, natural “love” for an-Other, (though perhaps such love cannot be so, when it comes to “love-making” at the into-mate-physical level?).
Enough of this, I think. For most whom may read will not comprehend, though I take this opportunity, to “open” these feelings, these thoughts in my own way, in this form.
For now, for the “other” and for I, are “free-to-Be” once again. That is all for now, it seems.